You’re going to die, what will be on your headstone?

I was in a deep rumination station mode today and decided to do some research about life and inevitably DEATH…somewhat dark I know, it spooks me out often too, but maybe there’s a healthy way to face this ticking clock?!…I found some estimates of how we spend our lives if we live an average of 80 years.  It was something I made for myself to put things in perspective when I am struggling or in a deep worry hole and need a quick reminder that hey “you’re goig to die one day, let’s get to living”.

Did you know that in many cultures and in Buddhist traditions, they contemplate death multiple times a day?  The practice is not meant to scare you, but to cut through distraction and clarify what matters.  I learned a lot about this from my friend Dan Harris, a world renowned journalist, news anchor, podcaster, super hero, fellow panic/anxiety experiencer, avid meditator and all around great human.  He said “Contemplating your finitude may sound hopelessly morbid, but in my experience it’s massively helpful. Remembering the inevitability of death can inject urgency, vitality, and gratitude into your life.” So while contemplating this, I decided to break down a few estimates of how we spend our lives. This is by no means perfect math and some I made to break myself out of a funk on days I need it…maybe it will help you too🤓

Psychologists estimate many people spend 20–30% of their lives conforming or living to meet external expectations (family, work, society etc)…I am very guilty of this, I believe I wrote the book on people pleasing 101 in a previous life.  It is also estimated that the average human spends 3.5-5 hours on their phone a day. Soooo, Let’s add 4 hours a day, for 365 days, for 60 years and we get(drum roll please)…. a Whopping 10 YEARS spent staring at our phones! 10 years of watching other people’s lives, how to’s on lotions and potions that will make us live forever, fart prank videos(love those) and trading hearts and likes for minutes out in the sunshine (damn I need to hurry up and finish typing this!). Then, add in the large amount of time we spend worrying, worst case scenario-ing, trying to chase perfectionism and beating our selves up over the ridiculous expectations we put on ourselves.  Finally let’s round it all out with a great amount of time spent staring at the ceiling, building graphs and maps in our head of how we would have done it all different if we could start again.

Well, chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re alive.  So first check for a pulse, then take a deep breath, cut yourself some slack and realize that yes, you are going to die, but right now in this very moment, well this is an opportunity to LIVE. Suffering and distractions are human, so some is inevitable, HOWEVER, we can choose to be more mindful and intentional in those moments, sharpening the meaning of our lives. Otherwise, our life summarized of 80 years on a headstone could look like this…

LINKS

Dan Harris on Death Contemplation as a practice

Give him a follow on substack, it’s tasty stuff for the soul!